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    May 20

    一个月...

    唔经唔觉...已经写信一个月了,这已成为我嘅习惯...好多平时想同你讲,但又讲唔出口嘅野可以係信度讲,琴晚(5月18日)的礼物例外(唔知以后会唔会再多)...

    无论係今朝及晚上嘅Q聊还是写信,我都可以掩饰得好好(如果你琴晚係在他家过夜...我知道自己嘅心係唔开心嘅)。

    但我对你的爱唔会其他事情而终止(这是我说出的承诺...我一定会做到...无时无刻地关心和爱护你...直到你结婚...我会将爱放係心里...默默咁祝福你...唔再出现係你面前...即使街上无可避免地碰上...我会点头微笑...告诉你我经已唔再钟意你...我有另一个值得我去爱嘅人...然后找个理由离开...全因我唔想你内疚...等你以为我完全走出那个灰糜...从此你不用再担心我...无忧无虑地生活下去...对那时的你来说这是最好answer...也是我目前为止想到嘅最好的method...)

    上边的是后话,家阵只要係我目前的能力范围内或超出范围但仍可全力达到的范围内都会一一满足你...这是自己的心脏说的。

    尽管係Q或信上,我有时会表现一点点不快乐嘅情绪,但係见面的时候,我尽量压抑自己,将笑容摆係脸上,唔俾你睇到摩羯内在的哀愁,而係对目前感情关系的满足的山羊。

    正如那条送给你想要买的、(5月22日)同学嘅Wedding ceremony上想穿的白色雪纺连身裙一样,我只係讲係胡乱买比俾你。(尽管经过两位契妹的帮助下及自己几日黎在工作结束后到地王广场的各衣铺询问和查找后先稳到)

    我希望如果你看到这篇文章时,你是係同我一起嘅。

    倘若不是,我希望你永远都唔好知道,因为,你会伤心和内疚的。(呢个同我嘅承诺大相径庭)

    假若到了我不再出现嘅那一日,我还是希望你有一点点的失落、一点点的难过、一点点的想我、只要有一点点关于我嘅记忆就好,真係一点点就够lar。

    假若到了我不再出现嘅那一日,我希望你记住我对你的好,我的任性、固执,我的宽容关怀,我毫无边际的孩子话、傻话,伤心嘅时候流眼泪、无奈嘅时候叹气说过的话,即管果时唔再一起,但在同一天空下,或许係某处能找到你的味道。

    假若到了我不再出现嘅那一日,一定唔好记得我嘅存在、我嘅痕迹。因为我害怕你会失落、会难过、会想我,呢一切唔係因为你曾经喜欢我、爱我;而係当一个人的生命中习惯了另一个人的存在,即使唔再喜欢和爱,她依然会失落、会有点难过、会想他。

    但是我依然希望你过得比我好,希望睇到你幸福地过着每一日。

    Maybe...曾经我所做嘅一切,你都未曾发现、未曾看到。

    Maybe...你嘅记忆、你嘅生命、你嘅世界唔再有我。

    我更加清楚係呢个时候,你唔会有一点点的失落、一点点的难过、一点点的想我、一点点的关于我嘅任何记忆。

    当呢一日嘅来临,我系真係绝望、真係心碎、真係疲倦lar。

    好多时我都係係度扮無野,尽管都係扮无所谓,但我真係唔在乎?

    而你咧?会在乎我嘅一切吗?但係係会觉得自责、我会憎自己、因为我做咗一个唔守承诺嘅人。

    今天嘅陌生,昨天嘅熟悉。但一个人痛苦总好过两个人难过。

    However the final  , this will always be a secret...

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